reader question: my son serves himself huge portions that he won't eat

"Hi,I have a question I've been meaning to ask for a while. We've been working on implementing the division of responsibility in my house.  We're not perfect, but we are improving.  But we're having trouble with the children (5 and 6) and portion size. My son in particular will help himself to an enormous serving (of rice, for example), eat two bites, and announce he's done. Do we control portion size in the first place?  Insist he eat what he takes?  Ignore it?  Save it and give it back to him later?  We don't have a ton of food to waste, so this is driving me a bit nuts.Thanks!"Of course it's driving you nuts! That's their job!  :) OK, seriously, I'm glad you're working on this, and though the DOR sounds simple (YOU decide what, when, where to serve food, YOUR CHILD decided if and how much to eat from what you put out)  there are inevitably practical questions like this that pop up. If you are following the DOR, then the one choice above "insist he eat what he takes" is clearly taking over his job of deciding how much to eat, so we need to figure out a way to minimize waste while you both stick to your jobs.First off, you're getting food to the table, sounds like there are choices for him and you are serving family-style which will give him a sense of control and often heads off power struggles before they begin. Good for you!Here are a few thoughts for dealing with this issue. (I already emailed this mom, but can't find the actual  "sent" email, so I hope she's reading today :)Show your son that you serve a small portion to start, but can always go back for more. Sometimes kids overload if they have experienced any food restriction, i.e. if you or another care provider has been limiting his pasta before now, he might be more likely to load up, just to be sure he can have as much as he wants. Scarcity, or the perception of it, often drives this behavior. He will need lots of reassurance if he has been restricted, or if he worries there won't be enough.  (Or it could just be he sees this makes you crazy so it's fun :)"Timmy, I would like you to start with one spoonful, and we'll leave the bowl right in front of you after we've passed it around. Once you finish  your first spoon of X, you can have another and another until your tummy is full. You can eat as much as you want to. You don't have to eat your peas (or Y) to get more X." Maybe you all model taking small portions for awhile until he gets it. (If you can avoid getting into the "we don't want to waste food" directly for now, that might make it easier. Little kids are so concrete and if we talk too much about not wanting to waste food, he might feel that he needs to eat what is on his plate...) Older kids can likely get that nuance, and he might be able to as well, but it might be a bit more tricky. See what feels right.  If possible have enough filling food so that he can get full (but that doesn't seem like the problem here...) For example, avocados are pricey, so the family might need to share one, but kids and adults can get enough of the cheaper foods like beans, pasta, tortillas, rice, ground beef, canned fruit...Food waste is inevitable unless you force kids to clean their plate, or very tightly control what is being served, or unless you have a person like my dad who would happily vacuum up all the left-overs... Generally kids who are trusted with food portions end up wasting less in the long-term. Hope that helps!How this plays out in my home...This morning, M had a piece of toast and wanted more. She had had yogurt too, so I asked if she wanted to start with a half piece. "No, start with a quarter, I'm not sure if I'm hungry."  (I'm not sure she really knew what "a quarter" was, but that's what I did.) By the time it was ready, she decided she wasn't hungry anymore and I did throw it out, but it was only a small piece. I'd much rather she stop when she is full than pile on the guilt, "I made this, we can't throw it away, you will eat it!" Nope.  As I have become more tuned-in to my own eating, I have been amazed at how I'll be eating something, and literally mid-chew will know I'm done. I've even spit a bite into my napkin when I really knew I just did not want more. (Though I try to gauge things a bit better in general :)Does that help?