the expectation of mastery, and not planting fears ...

I remember reading books to M about going to the dentist, or the doctor. You know, the free book in the waiting room, or the one in the stack at the library. I was always a little puzzled about how the books were meant to be an introduction, meant to make the experience familiar and comfortable, yet every one talked about being afraid, with little Caillou cowering behind his mother's skirt... I remember thinking. "Hmmm, M isn't afraid of going to the dentist. She's never been, she has no frame of reference. Why should I introduce that fear and skepticism?" (I skipped those books whenever possible.)The expectation was that this was something to be afraid of, and that kids need encouragement, and explaining and hand-holding. Now, some kids may be afraid of the dentist, but others might just pop right up in the chair, and until they actually have a bad experience (if ever,) think it was the coolest thing in the world. We just don't know.The same goes for food. There are dozens of children's books reinforcing that vegetables are bad, lots of adults explaining how healthy they are, and that kids have to eat them. Even told in entertaining ways, with lovely illustrations, the message is the same. Why plant the idea in a child's head that they won't like something, that it's normal to be fearful of new foods or dislike entire food groups, because kids are supposed to not like veggies, they are supposed to be afraid of the dentist.Look around for ways that we as parents plant fears, set the bar too low, or accept the common "wisdom." Kids might surprise you! Have an expectation of mastery (even if you have to fake it) that it is not a given how a child will react in any given situation. That expectation of failure is almost a vicious circle. "I can't serve shrimp to my kids, they won't like it!" But how can they find out or learn to like it if they are never given the chance? (One mom assured me her three boys hated shrimp, and Dad chimed in with "We haven't had shrimp for five years!" Two of her boys were under age 6.)Sure, some kids are cautious, some are more adventurous, but if you tell them they can't handle something in advance, if you doubt their abilities, they will too.What do you think?