puberty in the spotlight, and please let's stop commenting about kids' bodies

Last summer, I was taking M to meet her day camp teachers. We went in, and there were a few kids at the table coloring, and the teacher introduced them. One girl was very tall. The teacher said, "This is Z, she's only 5, can you believe it, she's so tall! She's our big girl!" She then briefly introduced the other girls, then came back to talking about Z. Z had come over to ask the teacher for something, and the teacher mentioned her height at least three more times in the five minutes we were there.It was weird. I suppose often parents of kids who look older than they are want to explain why the kid who looks like a 6 year-old is having a tantrum more typical of a 3 year- old-because, well, he's a three year-old, so I get mentioning it once, but poor Z's body was THE ice-breaker, it was what everyone talked about when there was nothing else to talk about.I felt sad for Z. Was she feeling proud? Like a freak for being singled out? Were the other kids envious of all the attention and teasing her for it? What was the point? What is ever the point about talking so much about kids' appearances, unless, of course, as with the obesity maelstrom, "it's for their own good." Imagine how tired Sasha gets about hearing the cute story about her visit to the pediatrician who warned Mrs. Obama about Sasha's BMI, and how it started a war- on obesity. How in one generation, the goal is to "solve" obesity, make there be no more fat kids. Imagine what it's like to be a fat kid right now, or just one who isn't skinny, because kids aren't going to split hairs on the playground or in the hallways...Well, now it's Malia's turn I suppose... This ridiculous piece of "reporting" popped up in my scanning, using Malia's body, this time, as the hook to talk about "puberty." At least Sasha is off the hook for now...There were a few helpful hints, like, "After a two-year period of faster growth, things start to slow down. In that period teens can grow, she added, up to three and a half to four inches a year." And, the fact that growing pains are real, and how they appear and how you can help young people feel better, and then, there was this... "Growth spurts may cause kids to eat more -- a lot more. Not to worry, Wood said, as long as they're eating quality foods and not junk. But some kids can gain weight if they don't adjust their calories when their bodies stop growing."I knew it had to be in there somewhere! The warning about weight. Interesting that the body knows it needs to eat more to grow, I mean, you'd think, given the way we are advised about our bodies and eating, that the article should say, "Kids who are going into a growth spurt will need more calories, here is a calculation for when you can allow them an extra cup of skim milk, or a 1/2 cup of almonds added to their usual 1500 calorie allowance..." At least the article explains that kids need more energy and doesn't recommend putting your growing kid on a diet, but doesn't it make sense that a child raised to eat in a tuned-in way would lessen his intake on his own when not growing so rapidly? I've seen it with my kid and her smaller growth spurts...The biggest missed opportunity is not sharing the fact that weight gain often comes before the gain in height in puberty, and that the weight gain, in girls in particular, can be dramatic. If parents don't know, and mistrust their child's body, this is a dangerous time that I always warn my clients about. If we have eating and  weight worries in check when the child is 3, or 4, I ALWAYS tell them that there will be times when their child may eat more, and may even gain weight disproportionately.These are scary times for parents these days with all the external attention to children's bodies and pressure, and risky times for the child. Many, many children are put on their first diets right around the time of the prepubertal weight gain. If parents are warned that this is normal, and if their child is otherwise still eating regular, balanced, rewarding meals and snacks and is sleeping well, happy, getting the opportunity to be physically active etc... parents need to know that they can still trust the child. Don't panic, and by all means, don't restrict. I have heard far too many heartbreaking stories in person, and on this blog to know that right before puberty is a time when many kids are started down the torturous road of dieting and body-shame. And, perhaps you've heard the saying that the "diet pulls the trigger" for eating disorders? If we can save a kid from being put on that first diet, perhaps we can reduce the risk of eating disorders as well.It brings me back to Sasha, and my hope that she can grow, and that her body can do what it needs to do without scrutiny, with trust and love and the Division of Responsibility. Somehow I doubt it is happening that way. I imagine Sasha and her mother feel very much the watchful public eye, alas that Mrs Obama invited in, that will be on Sasha's body, as she too goes through puberty...What do you think?Well, it's almost one a.m. , and my throat is killing me! Thanks to my reader who warned me that it might hurt worse 5-7 days after I got my tonsils out, boy you were right! Well, I can take my next dose of meds now, so Good Night!