new recruits to the food police: kids

This weekend, M was enjoying a Rice Krispies treat at a social gathering when a tween boy came over and loudly said, "You know those have marshmallows, and that's made of cow hair and hooves and bones (I tried cutting him off here but he continued) so what you are doing is stuffing your face with dead cow skin." Luckily, between the crunchy chewing and me trying to interrupt him, M didn't hear what he was saying. I finally got loud enough and said, "We don't talk about food that way," at which point he walked off.-Last week, M reported that two friends told her her 1% milk had "too much fat" and that it was bad for her.-A reader shared that her six year-old complained that she put "fat on everything " when she added olive oil to broccoli.-A seven-year-old birthday party attendee declared she wouldn't eat  "food dye because it's poison",  as the other girls were about to enjoy some birthday cake.-Or take the nine-year-old (whose sister is in treatment for anorexia) who passes by a "healthy" food tasting station at school where kids encourage her to try the "low-fat, low-calorie!" dish.And a recent letter from a reader shared her children's experiences and threw in some other thoughts: "I have begun seeing more kids critiquing each other's food choices. With many parents trying to eat healthy foods, the message that they are trying to pass to their children is one of nutrition and good food choices. While admirable, the problem manifests when their kids start repeating those messages to other children at school. My third grade daughter came home upset when I put something in her lunch containing red dye #5 and some kids commented. She is afraid to buy her lunch at school because of what the other kids might say about the food (too greasy, not organic, too much high fructose corn syrup, etc.). My daughter plays soccer and is in the 25% for weight. She eats a wide variety of food from all food groups. She is an adventurous eater and will try new foods. She is not afraid to try new things. She cares about health and nutrition. Today the ice cream man made a trip through our neighborhood. I let both of the girls get a treat (the kindergartner and third grader). One of the neighborhood kids came over to report that ice cream from the ice cream man is "bad for you". The third grader immediately felt shame for having the treat. I've started to teach my girls that other people get to choose what they put in their bodies and that to comment on others' food is rude. Instead of forcing my daughter to explain it, I let this particular munchkin know that one should not comment on another's food choices. In short, I think I can help my girls navigate this situation. My larger concern is for those children in school who have no choice about what they eat. The are on the free or reduced lunch program. Should they simply not eat? What choice do they have and how do we keep them from being shamed for things that are far from their control? Why are we creating a society of food police where those who can afford it eat the best available then feel entitled to make others who do not have the option or the knowledge feel badly?Nutritional and health awareness is one thing but it seems to be turning into something that causes shame and is a class differentiator."a few additional thoughts:

• young children aren't able to process the nuance of nutrition messages (so all fat is "bad")
• young children can feel guilt and shame when they eat "forbidden" foods—the food is "bad", therefore I am "bad". (It was 4-6 year old girls in the study I am referring to.)
• what parents choose to feed their children is their job, and it's an important one, and being thoughtful and reliable about it is admirable
• but... is all the talking about nutrition and the fear-mongering helping?  I remember eating lunch with friends, and the mother had a running commentary about eating more veggies, not too much mayo, only allowing organic grapes, and reminding the girl several times not to eat too much meat (every time the mother looked away, the little girl shoved a full piece of deli meat into her mouth, eating about 1/2 a pound, and little else).
• I am guessing that all the constant commenting at and to kids when they are eating helps them feel it's okay to do the same to others. (For example you are at the store and purchase an organic real-fruit frozen treat, and announce, "We only buy organic real-fruit frozen pops because the high-fructose corn syrup is bad for you." Consider just popping them in the cart and moving on...)
• when does this tip into bullying (if it hasn't already) as in, "You're going to eat that? You could use some low-fat dressing and a little less cheese."

How can we arm our kids against this intrusive commenting that is often encouraged and praised by adults and even school nutrition programs and clubs etc.?

• When children are actively encouraged to "inspire" and "motivate" their friends and family members to eat "healthy?"

• When they are literally surrounded by posters bombarding them with the same ineffectual messages, "Eat low-fat!", "Eat more fruits and veggies!", "This is a no-sweets zone!"

I find this a particularly difficult issue because the message is coming from children. These kids are so literal, and so convinced they are right, and probably think they are doing a good deed, but their actions are inappropriate and potentially harmful to other children.Can you help me brainstorm some phrases kids can use? (I'll admit, I'm asking for myself too, I don't quite know what to tell my own daughter...)  While the mom in the letter helped stand up for her daughter at the ice-cream truck, what can she teach her daughters to say at school? How about, "I'm in charge of what I eat, you are in charge of what you eat." Maybe, "Mind your own business" for the older child?Note, I am not criticizing anyone's choices when it comes to feeding their children. I think it is appropriate to teach children that we don't comment on what others are eating, and maybe we can start teaching by example. Serve the organic grapes without a lecture, or choose and enjoy foods with natural dyes without comment. If a child doesn't want a piece of cake with dye, how about we just teach her to say, "No, thank you." Somehow I can't imagine a French child in his cafeteria chiding another child for putting butter on his baguette...What do you think?