"I can eat whatever I want!" (Maybe I didn't handle that so well...)

Today is the first day of summer camp. I feel like at home I have our feeding under control. I have a kid who eats a great variety, and is a good self-regulator. (She eats based on hunger and fullness cues.) When she eats outside the home, there tends to be lots of interference...Some recent background:We stayed with some friends last week, and I had to stick up for M when the other mom insisted on a "no thank you bite" of the fish they had caught. This mom uses the tactic with her own daughter without too much fuss, but I don't make M eat anything she doesn't want to. Research shows when we pressure kids to try new foods, they end up liking them less well. It was a little awkward as their guests, but after several tries and explanations, I finally stepped in and said, "We just don't do it that way." The mom tried again, explaining, "you don't know if you like it if you don't try it" and I finally said, "M doesn't have to eat anything she doesn't want to." It's tricky, because, maybe with her child's temperament, it works (of note, this kiddo ate with us once, and refused the veggies on the first go around, but after a few minutes did eat an asparagus and a wedge of cabbage without any suggestion to try it. Kids generally do better without pressure.) As a guest, you don't want to be rude, and I do follow some rules in others' homes, like accepting that we eat dessert after, not with the meal, but I will do my best not to allow others to force my child to eat either a new food or a certain quantity.Anyway, so coming off that experience, and M reporting to her dad that the mom had tried to make her eat, I was a little wary about starting camp. I had hear from another mom that this camp has a policy of eating the "good food" before the treat. M's camp last year did the same thing. So, I have that little note in her lunch box that basically says, "M knows how to eat. Please just help her open any containers if necessary and then let her eat as much of any food in any order she wants, even if she only eats 'dessert.' Thanks, please call my cell with any questions."I reminded M that if anyone tries to make her eat something, she can politely say "no thank you" and hand her the note. Then I also talked to the teacher when we got there. And here's where I probably goofed. I probably should have tried to do it privately, with no other kids in ear-shot, because M kept chiming in with, "I can eat whatever I want!" several times. (If I was a teacher who had no idea about the DOR, I probably would have been turned off by this.) I think I detected some irritation from the teacher, which I tried to smooth over, but basically I said, "M is a competent eater who doesn't need any help knowing how much to eat. Just help her open any boxes, and then you can pretty much let her be. I occasionally include different foods including "treats" and she knows how much and what she needs to eat." Then I left...I put a little note on her intake form, so I'll keep you posted! It's very tough with daycare/camp/school when they are convinced that the control model is the healthy way, or it is their policy to require kids to eat "the good food" first.Oh well. I try to remember that what happens in the home is the most important, and I'll remember that the next time I have to have this discussion, and there will be MANY next times, I will try to do it in private, when there is a little more time for discussion...Have you had these talks? How did they go?