But then I read this article which again emphasizes only trantrums when parents are doing things wrong (not doing the DOR). Katja can you please clarify on these points?
Kids will pitch fits, some way more than others. When parents are stuck in feeding wars, those fits and behavior problems dominate. Clients tell me, “Dinner is the worst part of my day,” or “I get anxious about supper when I pull into the driveway,” and “It’s like 45 minutes of hostage negotiations!”
Most of my work with families is helping them transition to the Trust Model, helping get out of the power struggle over every bite of greenery. Behavior may worsen temporarily, but most often what I hear first from parents is relief. The table is no longer a battle zone, it is not approached with any more dread than the rest of the day with an ornery toddler.
I remember those days, the lability, the swinging from delightful to wailing for the slightest perceived insult or attempt at control.
No, the DOR will not turn your family into a Rockwell family, or turn your little ones into Stepford angels, but it will help. It will improve behaviors around the table.
Here are a couple of my older posts to help you relate (rice melt-down), and darn it, I can’t find my favorite where she literally lost is in the hall at school pick up because I didn’t pack a ham sandwich for snack… (This one continued in the car, complete with me reasoning with myself, “it’s just a ham sandwich!” holding firm and enjoying the pears, crackers and cream cheese at the park 20 minutes later…) Add on my awareness that people are watching how the kid of a feeding specialist reacts, and much fun was had by all!
So, thank you for the reminder. Kids will be kids. I still get asked pretty much daily if ice-cream is for dessert, we went through an intense interest in candy and all things sweet, that is waning (note she is able to self-regulate with candy and takes my matter-of-fact “we’ll have that again soon” in stride, but doesn’t mean she doesn’t stop asking.)
Did that cover it? Imagine, with how strong-willed many of our children are, how much WORSE it could be if we engaged in battles around food Tantrums and mood swings and the work of separation and individuation aren’t always much fun, but if we allow it to spoil the feeding relationship, then we’re in real trouble…